Isn't it weird how sometimes... when you are living in a moment that is so percious and so wonderful to you.... and you realize that the moment is coming to an end... you come to the realization that.... -it sucks. (clarification: the moment doesn't suck, but the fact that the moment is coming to an end sucks) I guess I came to this realization several times over this weekend. First, I was talking to my Ninang Reg and we were venting to each other about how it sucks to be in this "getting old" phase in our lives. And it's true. The realization that we have to be responsible and we have to accept the fact that we are adults... it's not so easy to accept. But it's always comforting to know that we are merely following a path that God has given us the opportunity to follow. I always believed that everything happens for a reason. And like it or not, we have to grow up. I admit that I do miss the old days, but who's to say that I won't ever experience good days like that again? The future used to scare me a lot.. back when I was a youngin.. but now, I look towards the future with hopeful thoughts and happy dreams and goals. Change is not so bad...it's the accepting part of change that is a little difficult, but once you accept change, it can be exciting.
Anyway, another moment in this past weekend where I realized that it sucks when a moment is coming to an end is when I realized.. that the weekend was over. I know that sounded a bit repetitive, but let me explain. This past weekend, I spent quite a bit of time with my study partner and yes-yes.. it's my summer break but I am spending it by studying for the board exam that I'm expected to take next summer. But anyway, I don't mind b/c it'll keep me ahead of the game I guess. So we studied a lot, we had a lot of lunches together, and dinners... and we actually ran/jogged together (which at first I was a little hesitant about doing b/c I'm not much of a runner and I didn't want to look like I was having difficulty breathing or what not.. b/c I do... how's the proper way of breathing anyway?)...I don't know.. but I guess what I'm trying to say is that...well... I remember when I started my year at nursing school, and I tried so hard to find a place to fit in and to feel at home. I joined clubs, I made new school chums, I attended SOL meetings, and even St. Paul group-Bible studies. And I guess I was trying so hard to not only keep myself busy, but also to fill an unexplainable emptiness or void that lingered upon my heart? my mind? -I really can't explain it...but somewhere towards the end of my second semester, I found something.. more like someone to help me to forget about that weird void... well actually, however mooshy or gaga-ish this may sound... the time that we spend together is kinda like my sanctuary, a safe place... where I can be the person that I am... with no worries...just me being happy. And then the weekend ends, and it's back to reality: doing chores that I put back for so long, taking care of errands, contemplating whether I should go to work at the hospital that is soooooooo far from where I live... you know- simple everyday things. I know every now and then I jokingly complain about how my summer is so short b/c I start school in the beginning of August, and how I don't have anything planned b/c my friends are still in school, and my boyfriend is studying for the Bar... but if there's one thing I am trying to live out, it's "cherish the moments" --whether they be moments that are planned or of spontaneity... just cherish them all.