Whoa...it's almost October!!!

It's funny how sometimes things don't go as planned. I mean, looking back at some old blogs, I realized that my mental resolution to start blogging more often didn't go through as planned. In fact, instead of a daily blog, it actually turned out to be a monthly thing. Anyhoo, time is going by quicker than I thought. it's actually a good thing... and I guess a bad thing, too.
Good thing: b/c I'm in Visalia. and initially it felt that time was going by so slow, but in reality, time is going by rather quickly. Even at the beginning of September, my co-workers were already talking about Christmas and having to start to save up for presents and vacations. And I remember thinking, "guess there's nothing better to do than to think of the future".... but I guess they are right... I'm doing a lot of that lately... thinking about the future. I know it's because i'm going to turn the big 2-4 this upcoming october....24! I can not believe it. I still feel like I'm 22. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about my plans for when Brian and I move back down south. I know that I want to go back to school again.... for sure. But in what? I came to two indefinite conclusions: progress in the nursing field to either become a nurse practitioner or in administration or management... or ... start off completely new to become a pharmacist. I know- I know... pharmacist? that's probably another 4 or 5 years... I guess my cousins are more persuasive than I thought. I know I want to go back to school though. I just can't see myself working in a hospital my whole life. I really do enjoy helping people, but it wears down the body. I'm not quite 24 yet, and already in 2 months and a half, my back has been bothering. I don't know what's happening to me, but I guess I'm becoming weak sauce.
Bad: b/c sometimes I feel like the world is going on as it should... and I'm not quite a part of it. It sounds weird, but it's even harder to explain... or maybe I don't want to explain it or i'll actually believe it. but the truth is...I miss everyone. And it's not just because I moved...b/c to be honest, Visalia is not that far away from home... I just miss .... being able to walk to fast food restaurants at 12am... bursting into song and interpretive dance in the middle of a mellow gathering... playing mafia... doing silly things like.... anything.... going to church everyday...that's what I miss the most, I think.
Analyzing my thoughts... I think I just haven't quite accepted the fact that I'm an adult now. I remember when I was at uci, during one of the many nights of cramming, I would think.... that school owned me... like it literally OWNED me. If I didn't study, that school would punish me with bad grades and it would affect my future forever. Well, now I feel like work owns me. If I don't go to work, it'll affect my future, our future. I won't get benefits, I won't save up enough money for a house, I can't apply to different facilities b/c my past record will haunt me.
Why am I so afraid of growing up?